Ever never lasting 

a man’s love is as conditional as the thing he desires. To what he can get out of it.

a woman’s love is unconditional to what she can put into it. To the potential she sees. 

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empower me. you do

I have not been let down as many times emotionally from a woman than i have a man. Women are the driving force for me to love and self love. From too many setbacks and unclear paths with a male companion, i decided a long time ago to give my heart and soul to me. To women like me. To women like you. 

Yet the bit that frustrates me aside from the empowerment is the distrust in women. We fear each others power and sexual prowess in relation to a man. Sometimes it is not enough hearing it from her, that you need to hear it from him. The final word. The final say. It is the bitterness and rivalry we are conditioned to play out in various scenarios with other females. Yes, disliking a female on personal matters relating to you does not mean that you have dropped the baton of empowerment. It is still there. But the sizing up and deducing where the other womans loyalty lies is a tricky game. The ‘maybe she said that to play with me. Did she really mean it. He didn’t think so.’ That dialogue is one which we all women need to work on. The catfighting over each others ex and asking ‘Is she better than me?’ 

No honey. That is where we fall down the rabbit hole. 

‘She is beautiful in her entirety, as I am in mine.’ Say it with me. Empower yourself and don’t fall suit to doubting the divine feminine energy which you posess.

Lots of love xo

to take accountability 

yet it is true in the year of the big 2017, holding men accountable of their actions is as equivalent as teaching pythagoras thereom to an infant. When a woman makes a rape allegation, why do we avoid and jump over hoops for the perpetrator. (Yes, spare me the ‘some men are raped too segment  for now) the onus is always on the woman.  “why was she wearing such clothes which would give u illicit thoughts, who told her to drink and be social,(the same a man would do)? Who told her to make eye contact with any male figure? ” How ridiculous do these sound. Yet the man is the strong and trusted, mostly with the last word. Then why is accountability never a second sense. Even in abusive relationships, the underlying question which always surfaces time and time again; Why didn’t she just leave him? She should have stayed and worked things out. Why did she chose him. Tell me in which situation does the accountability compass point to the man? If you’re a man reading this, thinking it’s a load of drivel, then go out and talk to your female friends. Ask them instead of talking off your face about yourself. If you don’t understand this narrative or can’t fixate your head around this notion, maybe take a step back and actually listen to a women’s perspective. Everything we see in this day and age is a male experience or insight. Next time you read an article, see who edited and wrote it. Was it a man called Tom ( White male privilege piece, can’t wait to see what that’s about) Or next time you switch to Netflix and load up a move, who is the director? Oh watching another Steven Spielberg directed movie? Asshole. Listen, read, gauge up something from a woman’s perspective as opposed to seeing her as a vessel for your friday night porn sessions. Take off that cloak of male privilege that you walk around in everyday, and appreciate (maybe that’s a far fetch for now) but try and understand why women are angry. Try and reflect on why the ‘men are trash’ movement is actually a thing. (yeah your interest might have just piqued right now, but this is prevalent in this day and age too) 

So let me leave you with this nugget for now. If you’re a woman who feels the same (drop me a comment) or a man who can’t quite understand (drop me a like, and read up on Simone Beaviour) 

 Freedom is the sense of no fear. Only when men are hold accountable and TAUGHT and IMPLEMENT to take accountability of their actions will woman be free. 

never question the weight of your word

and you say women should not be afraid to speak up,

but tell me how my voice can leave the tongue when we have been told to quieten down,

that loud voices with thoughts are not becoming of a woman

or when we speak up we are undermined not because of content, but because of gender

how man always sees himself as the dominant, and see no harm in talking over us to silence us

or to question us

tell us to calm down

say it was a joke

ask why are we getting so emotional

as if women can not separate rational thoughts from emotive feeling

how we are mocked at for speaking up

speaking out

when women are the most complex creatures 

but when it comes to the last word

man will utter a statement regardless of its truth, and then belittle women when questioned.

For he has forgotten respect

Respect. A social, sometimes more culturally heavy construct engrained in the mind of every young girl, from childhood to adulthood. The respect of a man. The obedience which follows this. The reminder that respect for a man exceeds your own comfortableness.

Yet in this day and age, we are enforcing all our teachings to our daughters yet somehow forgetting that a woman should be respected too. This respect for the female is not taught with the same precedent as for a man. This is where situations arise. Young boys are not taught how to treat a women with respect. These same young boys within the family are pampered by their mothers/grandmothers/aunties in such a way it is sickening. They are wrapped up in cotton. They are led to believe that their status is somehow higher. They forget where the boundary is and do not understand the word “No.” All because this was not taught from an early age.

However when roles are reversed, men are led to believe that their partner/wife should be of an obedient respectful nature. This same attitude is then expected from his children. Yet the respect does not always meet in the middle. To meet an asian father who bears the utmost respect for his daughter is still pending. Women are expected to give and to give but what does the man have to offer. We are told patience, respect and love. Compromise is our second language. So tell me why I should expect no more from a man. Is it because they do not exist? Or is it because they do not wish to mould themselves in a way because they have never been asked?

Why should a girl always speak quieter. Why should a girl never boast of her success. Why let these young boys have everything handed to them.This cultural issue is rooted so deeply, I pray for my children and their children. It will take time to understand. It will take an equal understanding and a different approach in how we upbring our sons and daughters. It is a question of altering and displacing misogyny with equality. It is time for women and MEN (yes I said it, men) to bring up their sons and daughters together. In the same fucking way god damn it. Rant over.

Apathy is the new intimacy

apathy

noun
  1. lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

The new wave of dating but not being in a relationship, is the backbone of today’s youth. It is the root of emotional and mental breakdowns. Intimacy is an artform which we have crafted to no longer exist, aside from the casual hookups. It is the reason why we have the notion of ‘fuckboys’ ‘fuckgirls’ thrown around constantly to give us leverage against each other. This apathy is resonant within the music culture and hip-hop, R&B scene. We have created such a toxic atmosphere where all we hear rappers and singers cry  about all day are from one of the following themes;

  • Why don’t these hoes love me (because hoe is a more empowering term for women, don’t get me started )
  • Why won’t my girl take me back even though I cheated on her. It just doesn’t make sense
  • I enjoy spending my time with various (bad) women but my shawty has got to be (good)
  • I dated a stripper, but if I do refer to her that is what I will call her out on. I will look pass every thing she ever did for me (yes I’m talking about Kanye)
  • Oh I could probably take your girl, because women love running from one man to the other for some reason

These are just a few from the top of my head but they all follow the same genre. It’s tiring being a single woman when you encounter men after men with the same ‘its not that deep’ attitude. Since when was this the answer to everything. Whatever happened to genuine interest and sense of affection and care. Maybe this is all the rage whilst at University, but I guess there are quite a handful of women (apart from me) who crave more. This sense of not caring to show you are alright, is detrimental. It is lonely and it isn’t fruitful. I don’t want to be waiting or not waiting for your text. I don’t want to be lead on just for fun. I don’t want to have to kiss a dozen frogs for my prince.