now tell me darling,
what do men sacrifice for love
aside from their ego
now tell me darling,
what do men sacrifice for love
aside from their ego
As women, when we’re children we’re taught to enter the world with big hearts. Blooming hearts. Hearts bigger than our damn fists. We are taught to forgive – constantly – as opposed to what young boys are taught: Revenge, to get ‘even.’ Our empathy is constantly made appeals to, often demanded for. If we refuse to show kindness, we are reprimanded. We are not good women if we do not crush our bones to make more space for the world, if we do not spread our entire skin over rocks for others to tread on, if we do not kill ourselves in every meaning of the word in the process of making it cozy for everyone else. It is the heat generated by the burning of our bodies with which the world keeps warm. We are taught to sacrifice so much for so little. This is the general principle all over the world.
By the time we are young women, we are tired. Most of us are drained. Some of us enter a lock of silence because of that lethargy. Some of us lash out. When I think of that big, blooming heart we once had, it looks shriveled and worn out now. When I was teaching, I had a young student named Mariam. She was only 11 years old. Some boy pushed her around in class, called her names, broke her spirit for the day. We were sitting under a chestnut tree on a field trip and she asked me if a boy ever hurt me. I told her many did and I destroyed them one by one. I think that’s the first time she ever heard the word ‘destroyed.’ We rarely teach our girls to fight back for the right reasons.
Take up more space as a woman. Take up more time. Take your time. You are taught to hide, censor, move about without messing up decorum for a man’s comfort. Whether it’s said or not, you’re taught balance. Forget that. Displease. Disappoint. Destroy. Be loud, be righteous, be messy. Mess up and it’s fine – you are learning to unlearn. Do not see yourself like glass. Like you could get dirty and clean. You are flesh. You are not constant. You change. Society teaches women to maintain balance and that robs us of our volatility. Our mercurial hearts. Calm and chaos. Love only when needed; preserve otherwise.
Do not be a moth near the light; be the light itself. Do not let a man’s ocean-big ego swallow you up. Know what you want. Ask yourself first. Decide your own pace. Decide your own path. Be cruel when needed. Be gentle only when needed. Collapse and then re-construct. When someone says you are being obscene, say yes I am. When they say you are being wrong, say yes I am. When they say you are being selfish, say yes I am. Why shouldn’t I be? How do you expect a woman to stand on her two feet if you keep striking her at the ankles.
There are multiple lessons we must teach our young girls so that they render themselves their own pillars instead of keeping male approval as the focal point of their lives. It is so important to state your feelings of inconvenience as a woman. We are instructed to tailor ourselves and our discomfort – constantly told that we are ‘whining’ and ‘nagging’ and ‘complaining too much.’ That kind of silence is horribly violent, that kind of insistence upon uniformly nodding in agreement to your own despair, and smiling emptily so no man is ever uncomfortable around us. Male-entitlement dictates a woman’s silence. If we could see the mimetic model of the erasure of a woman’s voice, it would be an incredibly bloody sight.
Originally posted on https://mehreenkasana.wordpress.com/2014/06/01/a-woman-of-war/
the imperfections of human relationships
a man’s love is as conditional as the thing he desires. To what he can get out of it.
a woman’s love is unconditional to what she can put into it. To the potential she sees.
I have not been let down as many times emotionally from a woman than i have a man. Women are the driving force for me to love and self love. From too many setbacks and unclear paths with a male companion, i decided a long time ago to give my heart and soul to me. To women like me. To women like you.
Yet the bit that frustrates me aside from the empowerment is the distrust in women. We fear each others power and sexual prowess in relation to a man. Sometimes it is not enough hearing it from her, that you need to hear it from him. The final word. The final say. It is the bitterness and rivalry we are conditioned to play out in various scenarios with other females. Yes, disliking a female on personal matters relating to you does not mean that you have dropped the baton of empowerment. It is still there. But the sizing up and deducing where the other womans loyalty lies is a tricky game. The ‘maybe she said that to play with me. Did she really mean it. He didn’t think so.’ That dialogue is one which we all women need to work on. The catfighting over each others ex and asking ‘Is she better than me?’
No honey. That is where we fall down the rabbit hole.
‘She is beautiful in her entirety, as I am in mine.’ Say it with me. Empower yourself and don’t fall suit to doubting the divine feminine energy which you posess.
Lots of love xo
yet it is true in the year of the big 2017, holding men accountable of their actions is as equivalent as teaching pythagoras thereom to an infant. When a woman makes a rape allegation, why do we avoid and jump over hoops for the perpetrator. (Yes, spare me the ‘some men are raped too segment for now) the onus is always on the woman. “why was she wearing such clothes which would give u illicit thoughts, who told her to drink and be social,(the same a man would do)? Who told her to make eye contact with any male figure? ” How ridiculous do these sound. Yet the man is the strong and trusted, mostly with the last word. Then why is accountability never a second sense. Even in abusive relationships, the underlying question which always surfaces time and time again; Why didn’t she just leave him? She should have stayed and worked things out. Why did she chose him. Tell me in which situation does the accountability compass point to the man? If you’re a man reading this, thinking it’s a load of drivel, then go out and talk to your female friends. Ask them instead of talking off your face about yourself. If you don’t understand this narrative or can’t fixate your head around this notion, maybe take a step back and actually listen to a women’s perspective. Everything we see in this day and age is a male experience or insight. Next time you read an article, see who edited and wrote it. Was it a man called Tom ( White male privilege piece, can’t wait to see what that’s about) Or next time you switch to Netflix and load up a move, who is the director? Oh watching another Steven Spielberg directed movie? Asshole. Listen, read, gauge up something from a woman’s perspective as opposed to seeing her as a vessel for your friday night porn sessions. Take off that cloak of male privilege that you walk around in everyday, and appreciate (maybe that’s a far fetch for now) but try and understand why women are angry. Try and reflect on why the ‘men are trash’ movement is actually a thing. (yeah your interest might have just piqued right now, but this is prevalent in this day and age too)
So let me leave you with this nugget for now. If you’re a woman who feels the same (drop me a comment) or a man who can’t quite understand (drop me a like, and read up on Simone Beaviour)
Freedom is the sense of no fear. Only when men are hold accountable and TAUGHT and IMPLEMENT to take accountability of their actions will woman be free.
We are told frequently that women are more intuitive, more empathetic, more innately willing and able to offer succor and advice. How convenient that this cultural construct gives men an excuse to be emotionally lazy. How convenient that it casts feelings-based work as “an internal need, an aspiration, supposedly coming from the depths of our female character.